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2003-11-10 10:13 p.m. i felt frumpy and self-conscious. i suddenly realized how uncool i am. i felt as though i didn't really fit in. i wasn't all decked out with stylish clothing. my face wasn't completely made up with make-up and my hair definately was not perfect. and to make it worse, they all kept talking about how they looked so good, so perfect, and so cool. my pride just couldn't take it. he said that being cool is being self-confident in who you are. he said it doesn't matter how perfect they may look on the outside, are they perfect on the inside? well, this didn't help much since i know i'm not perfect inside or outside. i just wish it hadn't bothered me. it's all so very silly and just shows you that yes, i definately can act my age at times. i should be able to not let things like this effect me so. but it's rather hard when you enjoy thinking that your cool and rather crazy and then realize that you're a plain jane. the one who wears solid colored skirts with solid colored shirts and boring shoes. you don't know how to dance, you don't know all the pop stars as well as you once did and you've never done anything really crazy. she says one of my biggest weaknesses is my insecurity. well, i didn't like it for awhile, but it's true and i see it now. in all different areas of my life, my insecurity shows through plainly. oh, and how i hate it. God loves me. i don't deserve it, but i'm so very thankful that He does. |